Beca Is A Pineapple
by Sweedledome
Summary: "Aubrey stared at her enthusiastic room mate who had just barged into their shared living room and announced that Beca was not actually human, but rather a yellow looking piece of fruit." Random one-shot. Bechloe themes.


_**I'm not entirely sure where this came from. I'm supposed to be writing a 4000 word essay on marketing segmentation that's due in tomorrow but I wrote this instead. Woops.**_

Beca Is A Pineapple

Aubrey's head lifted up from her revision notes to meet Chloe's excited grin.

"What?"

"Beca. She's a pineapple." Aubrey stared at her enthusiastic room mate who had just barged into their shared living room and announced that Beca was not actually human, but rather a yellow looking piece of fruit. Watching the now bouncing redhead who was squealing slightly as she moved around the room, Aubrey decided to close her notes, there was no revising when Chloe was in this mood.

"Chloe...did someone give you coffee again? Because you know we talked about that."

"No Bree! It's just something I figured out when she was showing me some mixes today."

"Okay...this isn't another one of your weird mixed metaphor things is it?" Chloe met Aubrey's exasperated look with a slightly guilty one. "Chloe! I don't have time for this. I have an exam in three days and you know I have a specific five day revision plan leading up to any and all exams to ensure maximum information retention."

"But this one is really good Bree! It fits Beca perfectly!" Knowing Chloe wouldn't leave her alone till she to her, Aubrey gave in.

"Alright then, explain it to me, in what way is Beca a pineapple?"

"Well...she's kind of hard and pointy and ugly on the outside...well not_ ugly_, kind of the opposite actually. She's really hot...I mean, have you seen her? So hot...except pineapples aren't hot...wait where was I again?"

"Beca's a pineapple." Aubrey sighed, pinching the bridge on her nose with one hand and internally reminding herself that yelling at Chloe only resulted in a wounded puppy dog look. The last time she'd been on the receiving end of that look she'd somehow ended up attending a Dr Dre concert, Aubrey was not keen to repeat the experience.

"Oh yeah, so like, she's all pointy and hard on the outside but inside she's just this big sweet pile of mush." Chloe grinned at Aubrey, obviously very proud of herself.

"Beca? Sweet? The girl who's always complaining about over relationshippy couples and won't stop making fun of Jesse for being whipped every time he buys me flowers? She's…sweet?" Aubrey's monotone voice and raised eyebrow was enough to let Chloe know that she wasn't exactly on board with this metaphor.

"Yeah, she's sarcastic and grouchy most of the time but she keeps slipping up the more I hang out with her and showing she's got a really soft side."

"And exactly how do you intend to get past this hard, spiny exterior? A large serrated knife? Because I wouldn't object to that." Aubrey smiled to herself as she watched Chloe's expression drop, she always did enjoy pointing out the rather large plot holes in Chloe's metaphors.

"Breeee! You're killing my metaphor!" 

"Also, pineapple is really acidic and leaves your tongue feeling weird if you have too much of it."

"I wouldn't mind letting Beca make my tongue feel weird if you know what I mean." Aubrey collapsed forward onto the table, letting her head make a loud 'thud' as it connected to let Chloe know just how frustrated she was with her recent trait of innuendo related humour when the conversation focused around Beca.

"Yes Chloe, I do know what you mean. I always know what you mean because it's _always something sexual _when you talk about the hobbit." Came Aubrey's muffled voice from the table. Point made, she sat back up to fix Chloe with an examining look. "That one wasn't your best by the way, you're losing your touch."

"Ugh, I know, I've run out of all the good ones trying to flirt with her. How am I supposed to sleep with Beca if every time I start getting remotely sexual, she just laughs a bit and calls me a weirdo?" Chloe whined as she moved to sit in the chair next to Aubrey.

"Maybe she thinks you're joking? You are a bit forward Chlo, she probably assumes that it's merely your sense of humour?"

"What do I do then? That's how I come on to people!"

"I'm well aware miss 'can you help me find my underwear please officer?'" Chloe scowled at Aubrey.

"I thought we agreed never to speak about that."

"You suggested it would be a good idea for my health not to but personally I think it's worth bringing up at every available opportunity." Aubrey said with glee, enjoying the resentful look on Chloe's face.

"I'm never having the Amy Special again.'

"Now _that_ I can agree to, trying to control you that night was like trying to control an overly happy moving tornado…what's even in an Amy Special? I've never seen you get that drunk before…"

"If I remember correctly, two parts tequila…"

"And?"

"….another three parts tequila." Aubrey sighed, that would explain it. Chloe didn't handle tequila well under the best of circumstances and that night she had seemed intent on forgetting Beca's absence from the party when Amy appeared yelling something about an ancient Australian drink passed down through generations of her family that held amnesic properties. Well she'd got the amnesic properties part right, Aubrey had to recount everything Chloe did from 10:00 onwards that night to the confused red head the next day. 

"I have no sympathy for you."

"Beca was so sweet the next morning though! She came over with paracetamol and listened to me moan about never drinking again and made me breakfast and watched a movie with me!"

"Aaaaand, we're back to the hobbit. Wait, did you just say she watched a movie with you?"

"Uh-huh. A romcom."

"Aca-scuse me?!"

"I told you Bree, she's a pineapple."

"Alright….have you thought about wooing her?"

"Wooing? Seriously?"

"It's the best word for what I mean! Consider it Chloe, if she really is a pineapple like you say then maybe she needs more…romancing then you realise. Maybe she needs a less flirty approach and more of a sweet one?"

"…that is actually genius."

"I usually am." Aubrey replied smugly.

"Don't make me question our friendship."

"We've known each other too long, getting another best friend would require far too much time and effort on your part."

"Why are you always right?"

"Because I'm me."

"That's not reason."

"Yes it is."

"Is not."

"If you admit I'm always right then I'll help you come up with a plan to approach Beca, deal?"

"…deal."

"Say it."

"Aubrey is always right." Chloe groaned as Aubrey smiled happily.

"Okay then, let's go romance a pineapple….that's got to be one of the weirdest things I've ever said."


End file.
